There is the right amount of hype around the film. The trailers look amazing. The cast is one you cannot fail with. Then comes Friday and nothing is ever the same again.
The audience buys popcorn and food at three times the normal rate outside and comfortably parks themselves in recliner chairs that make you want to live in them forever. But no one is prepared for what is about to happen. Your state of mental well-being seems to deteriorate scene by scene. The damage is permanent. That’s exactly how audiences feel when a movie sucks! Here’s a list of seven movies that had audiences weeping in anguish:
Ram Gopal Verma [RGV] Ki Aag
Notably the greatest ‘big budget – great star cast’ Bollywood flop of the decade, this is one Aag that we wish was never lit. Nothing in the film seemed right. Plus when you choose to make a remake of a classic, you never really copy it scene by scene while simply replacing the originals! Did you know that among other titles, Aag also has the distinct honour of being called the ‘worst remake Bollywood has ever seen?’
RGV Ki Aag
Yamla Pagle Deewana 2 [YPD2]
So what if you manage to create a semi-hit with your prequel YPD? Does that mean you can shove the Deol clan back in our faces; top it with an unimaginative script and expect us to laugh at mind-numbing jokes that only you understand? While the screenplay jumbled up a few songs and had cut-outs of Salman Khan trying to plead with the audiences from not leaving during the movie. If you see a re-run of this film on TV, our advice is to quickly switch the channel! You’ve got to be YPD yourself to watch this flick.
Yamla Pagla Deewana 2
Tees Maar Khan
It takes some serious misplaced sense of creativity to write a script with so much nonsense in it. First you think of the most boring plot for a movie. Then, get an action star to play a conman, an actor with limited fame to do the ham scenes, the most beautiful girl in Bollywood to play a dumb aspiring actress and a big bunch of theatre artists to play cameo roles in a supporting cast line-up, and lo behold! Three hours of ‘mental torture’. With a couple of [soon to discover] gay CBI cops and an overbearingly loud mother, there was absolutely no stone unturned to ensure that audiences suffer throughout the film. Kartina Kaif [Sheila] on the other hand was a sight for sore eyes.
Tees Maar Khan
When you create a movie with a plot that expects a ‘terminator’ to shape shift, at least get them to do something better than dance to ‘Chammak Challo’. While this movie made a killing in movie rights and merchandise, backed by some great marketing by SRK, the story was utterly rubbish. Also, the South India stereotype was soul-crushing.
Chandni Chowk to China
One needs to be deranged to try to re-create a Bollywood version of Kung-Fu Panda. And if you though that getting veteran actors like Mithun Chakraborty and action cinema veteran Gordon Liu [Hong Kong] as co-stars was going to help, think again. Definitely not suggested if you're depressed, it'll push you right over the edge.
Chandni Chowk To China
Dear movie distributors, read our lips when we say ‘Himesh Reshamiya cannot act.’ Releasing his movie is equivalent to a tsunami with serious collateral damage as your magnum opus. Our condolences to the leading ladies Sonal Sehgal and Purbi Joshi though, for the damage this movie may have done to their careers in Bollywood.
Last but not the least, the monster that will leave you scarred – Joker. Starring Akki and Sonakshi Sinha, this film made by director Shirish Kunder is nothing short of an insult to the collective intelligence of humanity. Humans with vegetables stuck on them passing off as alien life forms? What were you smoking Shirish?
Tell us which other movie should feature on this list? Warn the world we say!