Before your booze-addled brain convinces you that resolving to work out for three hours at the gym daily is a really, really good idea; we got something you’ll want to read.
The tickets are ready, the dress has been picked out and your brain is just waiting for that adrenalin rush at midnight to churn out some really pointless resolutions that won’t last beyond mid-January, if not sooner. Before you get obligated to fulfill your grandiose declarations, here’s a list of seven New Year resolutions that just don’t work:
1. Turn Into Size Zero In The Next Six Months
Chances are you’ll pull a Kareena Kapoor, or chances are you’ll turn to chocolate to assuage your feelings of guilt and failure for not pulling down enough weight. Take our advice: Skip the impossible resolutions and settle for more doable targets. Try your best and beyond that, just think curvy, think Beyonce.
image courtesy: weheartit.com
2. Find That Special Someone
Could be he’s sitting at the table right beside yours when you decide this. Or could be you’ll end up waiting for the next eight years in vain, like a certain Ted Mosby we can think of. Either way, these things can’t be rushed and neither does fate work on a twelve month deadline, so let the universe handle this one.
image courtesy: imgur.com
3. Quit Your Job
Recession can suck it; all you wanna do is walk in and hand your boss your resignation with a flourish the very next morning. Unless you have a juicier prospect lined up, trust us, you’ll only be laughing for the next five minutes or until the next petrol price hike; whichever is sooner.
4. Move Over Your Total Loser of An Ex
We know that all you want to think is, “Good riddance” whenever you think of him. That day will come, but it’s a long process; one that can be expedited if you stop mooning around and take more sensible resolutions like : Quit stalking the hell out of him on Facebook and Instagram.
5. Cut Out Back On The Junk Food
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you won’t magically start rolling your eyes in disdain when crossed with a calorie-laden pizza. Instead of abstaining for a while and then going on an unstoppable binge, just refer to point #1 and keep that Beyonce photo at the ready.
6. Get Rid Of Your Candy Crush / Twitter / Instagram Addiction
This is the way the universe is meant to be. Don’t resist it. And if you can’t tweet about your success at sticking to this resolution, your victory probably won’t even feel complete. Now where’s the fun in that?
7. Quit Drinking
You didn’t manage it in October. Or November. And not even December. So why should January be the magic month when you’ll turn into a sedate fellow with the virtues of a monk? If you really have a problem, the solution would be to seek help; rather than making grandiose resolutions that’ll last only till next noon when you wake up and pick up the bottle to take the edge off your almighty hangover.
image courtesy: imgur.com
Which resolution are you going to skip this new year? Tell us in the comments below.
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