Disclaimer: Any resemblance to reality, logic and sanity is purely coincidental.
For best results, carry a pinch of salt to the cinema hall and check your brain in at the door.
Our moms always taught not to believe everything that we saw and heard, and never have we acknowledged the wisdom in their words more than when watching a typical Bollywood masala flick. Here’s a look at nine of the biggest lies that Bollywood movies would have you believe:
1. That you can hop onto a moving train without turning a hair.
Forgive us Kajol, but hopping into a train that is moving at the speed of a zillion km/hr is only possible if you’ve got Superman’s genes. In which case, Farida Jalal has some serious explaining to do.
2. That the middle of the road is the best place to burst into a random jig. And that everyone around will magically fall into a synchronized dance.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll please proceed to the nearest window; we believe that pigs ought to start flying any moment now.
Aish and Madhuri
3. That you can simply barge into a train / flight 0.07 seconds before it departs. AND still find a seat.
At least a cursory check with Tatkaal. For sanity’s sake. That’s all we ask.
John and Akshay
4. That the very start of the first phera is the best moment to have an epiphany about your love, life and the working of the universe in general.
Trying to hobble out in a dignified manner when being weighed down by a heavy dress, eight layers of jewelry and six inch heels > Slipping out in the dead of the night. Always.
5. That a crowd of 10000 inquisitive relatives will stand by in muted silence and make way for you as you hobble out.
Because they are considerate like that. Not.
6. That you can rip out the IV tubes and walk out minutes after a major surgery. Like a boss.
Sorry; cancer will just have to wait until you can find an empty spot in your rigorous schedule of chasing the love of your life.
7. That taking off the spectacles is all that it takes to transition from nerd to hottie.
Be it Deepika in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani or Preity in Kal Ho Na Ho, just take off the specs to morph into an ‘it’ girl. Honestly; if not wearing thick specs made no difference to our vision and ability to hop about on high bar tables with precision, we’d be suing the pants off our ophthalmologist.
Deepika and Ranveer
8. When faced with a ticking time bomb, cutting the red wire always works.
JUST CUT THE RED WIRE. Why? Don’t ask why. There’s a time bomb in front of you! Honestly, it couldn’t have been easier if the bomb maker left a handy post-it with graphical step-by-step instructions.
Shah Rukh Khan
9. That eight year old kids are the best people to trust with the responsibility of playing cupid.
Kuck Kuch Hota Hai’s Anjali managed to pull it off, but the also-rans - Or more specifically, Salman’s son in Bodyguard - just go on to prove why kids can never be trusted with any responsibility greater than worrying about the next episode of Doraemon.
Got any additions to the list? Any cliché that you feel just needs to STOP? We’d love to hear from you in the comments box below!