We understand your anxiety.
Come February and the calendar shape-shifts into a ticking time bomb. While the Math monster refuses to leave, and the theory of gravity constantly makes your brain lose balance, we understand your anxiety (it’s been a while now, but the thought of taking exams still makes us shudder).
No preparation is ever enough. And despite all the squirrel-stroking, dahi-cheeni rituals your mother will put you through, followed by a strict instruction to step left-foot first inside examination hall, chances are your anxiety will stick by you through it all. And in the middle of all this panic and stress, here are seven kinds of people you’ll always find lurking around you.
1. Paranoid Android
They will always crash last minute revisions outside the examination hall frenzied and frantic, armed with a really random question — “Unit 3 ka third chapter kiya kya?”
That’s all you need to unravel, ensuring all that prep you were so confident of goes for a toss. Immediately duck or change course at the sight of this species.
2. The Unnecessary Enthusiastics
While you may be one of the cool kids (in terms of nerves) who carries just the bare necessities - a pencil, a pen, a scale, a bottle of water - there will be that one nerd at the next desk with serious glasses and an e-l-a-b-o-r-a-t-e geometry box containing every stationery tool ever made. This champ will bring out five different pens, three kinds of erasers, a protractor, set-square, and compass even to the English exam, filling those around him with self-doubt, dread and panic, second-guessing themselves about having skipped some damn important chapter that's gonna need all of the above. He might also have nun chucks to shoo anyone who dares distract him.
3. The Determinator
This guy thinks exam papers are an immersive experience. Once the question paper is in his/her hand, s/he will not look up again for anything. Except extra answer sheets. Though maybe not even then. This creature also suffers from not knowing when to stop, and therefore always running out of time. How MUCH ARE YOU WRITING? Are you all completely mad?
4. The Paper Eaters
This lot is just the WORST. Right when the first hand in the examination hall goes up to ask for an extra sheet, every other student frantically starts counting the number of sheets left from their original copy, breaks into cold sweat and has a full blown panic attack. But don’t let them get to you. Chances are they’re not even using those sheets, or writing in HUGE handwriting just to make it look hardcore and add physical weight to the final submission, or simply trying to throw you off your game. At no cost should you succumb to their modus operandi. Keep calm and write on.
5. The Party Smarts
There’s a massive possibility that this bunch has come in directly from a party to take their exam, with little or no preparation, but oodles of confidence. Either they’ll faff in their answer sheets (hoping the examiner falls for all the intense looking rubbish, and mark them without really reading anything) or distract everyone around hoping to get a legit pointer or two to include in their answers. Ignore their hissing — even if you help these ‘kewl kidz’, you’ll never get invited to their next party. And charity is worth no brownie points anyway. Avoid.
6. The Straight-Up Liars
Avoid this bunch like the plague. First they’ll tell you they’ve only studied half the syllabus, over the last three days, when what they’ve really done is three revisions of the entire thing over the last three months. And that's not counting the fact that they've also solved the last 10 years’ papers. Then they’ll walk out of the easiest exam of the year, sulking like no one’s business complaining that there was not enough time to attempt the entire paper. And then the result comes out. This pack of liars are on top of the list, and it makes you want to kill them when they fight and scream and cry and beg for that extra half mark on their already near-perfect score.
7. The Chill Squad
This set means no harm. And they’ll pretty much mind their own business — they will look calm AF, seldom ask for an extra sheet, possibly finish 10 minutes before time, quietly make an exit, and be found at the nearest café immediately after. If you must, hang out with these people. Or better still, be identified as one of them.