Horror films in Bollywood are no different from the funny ones. Where else do you get to see an `aatma` with special effects and a pseudo creepy voice?
India and good horror movies just don’t gel. Just like Bappi Lahiri and silver jewellery. The Censor Board was so busy slashing out “adult” bits from Emraan Hashmi’s films (which takes up more time that it takes to shoot the film) that they carelessly filed Agyaat and Haunted as ‘horror’ instead of ‘comedy’ (and most of Priyadarshan’s films were supposed to be filed under ‘tragedy’, but more on that later.) If you ask us, we think it is all intentional – they purposely keep the plot and ghost effects at a kid’s level, so that, just in case the horror part doesn’t work out the hilarity of it all will bail the film out at the box office. Which is why we make a list of all the horror films in the last decade that did everything but scare us:
The makers of this 2005 film were sure of its success even before the first promo came out. They knew that even if the ferocious tigers didn’t scare people, Vivek Oberoi’s acting (combined with Esha Deol’s attempts at acting) would. But for them, it worked a bit too well – one look at the posters and people decided to watch Lucky: No Time for Love instead. Later on, once word spread that Esha Deol doesn’t appear for the whole duration of the film, they managed to get some crowd. All in all, Kaal is a highly forgettable film with a lame climax. John Abraham is his usual indifferent self and Ajay Devgn wears a distinctly bored look underneath all those layers of kohl. Whatever. Long as they don’t make a sequel, we couldn’t care less.
A love match made in heaven and a movie born in hell... whoops, we mean a revenge born in hell. That’s the tagline of this 2008 Vikram Bhatt film. We wonder where the script originated from; this one is definitely not ‘inspired’, else it would have made some sense. This one probably came up at one of the many mourning parties they held for his last film, Life Mein Kabhie Kabhie. That explains the depressing plot of this film – it revolves around a married couple living in a haunted house in the year 1920. Wish they had released this movie in 2020, at least then they’d have had enough time to think of an actual script and some plausible ghostly effects.
Priyadarshan, the director of this 2007 psychological thriller/ horror film, once candidly confessed that he had Aishwarya Rai in mind when he planned this project. We bet she took one look at the script and chucked it straight out of the window. Which is just what Vidya Balan should have done too. Maybe then it would never have been made. Haunted haveli - check; sceptical married couple – check; protagonist possessed by spirits - check. Why even bother spending that much time and money on a film that is similar to wait... almost ALL horror films made in Bollywood?
Kucch Toh Hai
As if all those K-serials weren’t enough, Ekta Kapoor horrified the country in 2003 by venturing into films, starting with Kucch To Hai. A Bollywood interpretation of the hit film I Know What You Did Last Summer, this film stars Tusshar Kapoor (surprise surprise!) and Esha Deol. ‘This winter a chill will run down your spine’, the posters proclaimed. True, indeed, Tusshar Kapoor’s acting left us scared stiff. Maybe we shouldn’t be so harsh though, if Ekta didn’t make such movies, who would repeatedly cast Tusshar in their films?
The mystery continues. It still isn’t solved. What on earth was the director thinking casting Kangna Ranaut and Adhyayan Suman in the same film? There’s a limit to how much ghastliness we can handle, which is exactly what we felt every time these two made out. That apart, this film is about as scary as the kiddie flick Bhootnath. Kangana Ranaut is a supermodel in self-destruct mode, Adhyayan’s her part time boyfriend, and Emraan Hashmi’s the stalker (so what’s new?). Well, we’d love to tell you a bit more about the story but there doesn’t seem to be one. Emraan sings a few romantic songs, Kangana tries –and fails miserably – to act, and Adhyayan surfaces every now and then. Just like his dad on Indian television!
So which horror film would you like to add to this list?