Sadly Ever After!
Posted On 2nd June, 2012 @ 13:00 pm by

So you thought that you could avoid Kristen Stewart long as you steered clear of Twilight? Well, she is back to haunt us with her gruesome acting skills and The Face that Never Smiles to ruin one of our favorite childhood fairytales with her new film, Sno

She is back. Yes, we are talking about the one star who draws more revulsion than Justin Bieber; - a feat we never imagined possible after listening to Baby - Kristen Stewart whose new film Snow White and the Huntsman releases today. And rather than risking the chance of running past posts related to her on Facebook, we decided to join in the vengeful horde that is beating down a path to the maker of Zathura’s door. Had he not cast Kristen as an extra in his film, she would probably have had a non consequential stay in Hollywood and eventually dropped out to become a waitress at some Cheesecake Factory. Last we heard Stephenie Meyer is leading the pack, swords and daggers drawn out; ‘coz Kristen effectively murdered what miniscule chance Bella Swan ever had of being tolerated. But as it happened, she got noticed by the casting director of Twilight and went on to become one of the most hated stars ever, with over a million anti – Bella pages to her credit.

And after turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to all the vociferous protests, the makers of Snow White and the Huntsman decided to cast her in their film and the movie has been declared a flop on the very first day. (Ha! Well if they had listened to all our dire warnings and cast someone decent like Emma Watson, this wouldn’t have happened, would it?) And even though the special effects are pretty wicked and the cast boasts of some gems like Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron, the dark twist to the age old fairytale turns out to be the film’s downfall. Charlize Theron, the evil queen, is addicted to ageless beauty which she achieves by sucking the life out of young maidens. When the queen realizes that Snow White’s heart will make her immortal, she sends a huntsman (played by Chris Hemsworth) to hunt her down. But Hemsworth decided to protect her instead and in the process incurs the Queen’s wrath. And for good measure, the writers throw in a childhood love interest Prince William, just so that Twilight fans can relate to the Edward – Jacob déjà vu, we suppose.

Needless to say, the film didn’t cut much ice with the critics. Times of India rated the movie as uninspiring and said, “The film is neither a beautiful fantasy nor the dark film that can give you nightmares it hangs in between in mediocrity,” whereas USA Today observed, “The film is slowed down by manic acting. Stewart in particular seems miscast. She is as sullen and morose as she was in the Twilight franchise, and the script gives her little to do but sulk.” So why aren’t we surprised? After all, we are talking about the same star who taught Arjun Rampal to emote.

Maybe we shouldn’t be so harsh on her though, after all she must be feeling pretty terrible right now. The only thing this movie got for her is a huge fight with her boyfriend Robert Pattinson – we hear he was pretty mad when he found out she was raiding his stash of makeup (the expensive one that he had custom made for his role as Edward Cullen) for her role as Snow White. Sorry Kristen, looks like the hits just keep coming. But look on the bright side; you have another installment of the Twilight franchise coming up which will ensure that the one-liners keep coming in and will cement your position as the Most Ridiculed Actress Ever. So cheer up, and just so you know, we are available at all hours of the day and night to put you through to an extremely persuasive career change counselor! 


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