PLAY THE (RIGHT) GAME: DUMB WAYS TO DIE ON V-DAY
Q1. Started a countdown to Valentine’s Day even though you “don’t believe in it”
Yes
No
-
Q2. Thought of Valentine’s Day as soon as you flipped the calendar to February
Yes
No
-
Q3. Stalked your ex
Yes
No
-
Q4. Felt miserable while doing it
Yes
No
--
Q5. Accidentally liked a picture from 300 weeks ago
Yes
No
-
Q6. Drunk-dialled your ex
Yes
No
-
Q7. Lay down on the floor, tried not to cry, cried real hard
Yes
No
-
Q8. Googled “self-love”
Yes
No
-
Q9. Cried on realising you don’t love yourself, and have to start the whole process again because “no one can love you if you don’t love yourself, and to love yourself you have to sort through childhood trauma”, AND WHO HAS Rs. 300 CRORE FOR THERAPY?
Yes
No
-
Q10. Smirked at a couple
Yes
No
-
Q11. Wished you were that couple you smirked at
Yes
No
-
Q12. Attempted poetry
Yes
No
-
Q13. Put that fucking shit on Instagram
Yes
No
-
Q14. Netflixed any of the following: DDLJ, Bridget Jones, Jab We Met, Pretty Woman, When Harry Met Sejal and/or Sally, You’ve Got Mail, Darr (#loveislove), Titanic (with Hindi subtitles)
Yes
No
-
Q15. Deleted your profile on Netflix because you were ashamed of that history
Yes
No
--
Q16. Told everyone your dog/mom/job is your Valentine
Yes
No
--
Q17. Made the Happy Ballentine’s Day joke for the 567th fucking time
Yes
No
--
Q18. Blamed corporations and capitalism for putting you through this shit
Yes
No
-
Q19. Worked “Hallmark cards” into any sentence during the last 10 days
Yes
No
-
Q20. Assault couples out in public and force them to get married
Yes
No
-
Q21. Pay for TinderPlus on 13 February
Yes
No
--
Q22. Flirted with someone on Airtel/Banking customer care
Yes
No
--
Q23. Made single people feel like shit
Yes
No
-
Q24. Made couples feel like shit
Yes
No
-
Q25. Pretended to be in a long distance relationship
Yes
No
-
Q26. Ordered yourself flowers to the office from “anon”
Yes
No
-
Q27. Googled Neruda/Gulzar for love quotes
Yes
No
-
Q28. Updated social media status with the results
Yes
No
-
Q29. Changed relationship status to “it’s Complicated”
Yes
No
-
Q30. Deleted Facebook
Yes
No
-
Q31. Broke up with your lover so you didn’t have to buy a present
Yes
No
-
Q32. Got back together the day after
Yes
No
-
Q33. Learnt the significance of different coloured roses (yellow is friends? Whut?)
Yes
No
-
Q34. Booked a one-way ticket to Matheran
Yes
No
-
Q35. Proposed to your favourite celebrity
Yes
No
-
Q36. Wore red
Yes
No
-
Q37. Consciously did not wear red
Yes
No
-
Q38. Pointed out to someone that hearts aren't actually shaped like that <3
Yes
No
-
Q39. Received a Valentine’s Day forward from your landlord
Yes
No
-
Q40. Sent a Valentine’s Day broadcast to your entire list of contacts
Yes
No
-
Q41. Got a pity smile from the bouncer when you asked him, “Stag entry hai kya?”
Yes
No
-
Q42. Excited about a Single’s Party your sad-o friend is throwing to make everyone feel better
Yes
No
-
Q43. Were the only person who showed up for it
Yes
No
-
Q44. Got a promotional email from a porn site
Yes
No
-
Q45. Cried when the tennis score was love-all
Yes
No
-
Q46. Cried in general
Yes
No
-
Q47. Used all the discount codes from Uber to cupcakes
Yes
No
-
Q48. Told your family you’re going out, but sat in the driveway alone instead
Yes
No
-
Q49. Bought two tickets for a movie you’re watching alone
Yes
No
-
Q50. Smirked when you asked the cinema guy for corner seats
Yes
No
-
Q51. Checked out condom brands at the chemist, walked out with Hajmola
Yes
No
-
Q52. Bought a t-shirt that says: “No one dies a virgin, life fucks everyone”
Yes
No
-
Q53. Got sent a #foreveralone meme by your mother
Yes
No
-
Q54. Ended up being the only person screaming “WOOOO” when the DJ said “single people make some noise!”
Yes
No
-
Q55. Cracked that “Children’s Day is in exactly nine months” joke
Yes
No
-
Q56. Laughed at it
Yes
No
-
Q57. Repeated it to someone else
Yes
No
--
Q58. Laughed again
Yes
No
-
Q59. Googled “Is Deepika/Ranveer single?”
Yes
No
-
Q60. Mugged up the lyrics to “Tadap tadap ke…”
Yes
No
-
Q61. Almost made your shaadi.com profile. Almost.
Yes
No
-
Q62. Tag along with your friend on their Valentine's Day date
Yes
No
-
Q63. Cried when you saw two dogs humping
Yes
No
-
Q64. Looked at a three-wheeler and thought, “Me too, bro”
Yes
No
-
Q65. Wondered if maybe size does matter
Yes
No
-
Q66. Had to babysit the dog because your parents had plans
Yes
No
-
Q67. Gave yourself a hickie on the 14th, so it’s bright and obvious on the 15
Yes
No
-
Q68. Tried to kiss someone at midnight, realised on being slapped that it’s not NYE
Yes
No
-
Q69. Cried every time you see the number 69
Yes
No
-
Q70. Took an UberPool because you never know where you might meet The One
Yes
No
-
Q71. Order Hot ‘n’ Sour soup. Cry when asked if you want that one by two
Yes
No
-
Q72. Visited a tarot card reader
Yes
No
-
Q73. Walked up to a couple and said “This is against Indian culture” even though they weren’t doing anything
Yes
No
-
Q74. Got arrested for PDA
Yes
No
-
Q75. Held your own hand in a “follow me to…” picture
Yes
No
-
Q76. Googled “best places for valentine’s day”. Avoided all of them.
Yes
No
-
Q77. Steal a mannequin. Tell everyone it’s real love.
Yes
No
-
Q78. Said “No, YOU hang up” to no one on the other end of the phone
Yes
No
-
Q79. Every time you see the word “celebrate” you auto correct it to “celibate” in your head
Yes
No
-
Q80. Googled asexual reproduction
Yes
No
-
Q81. Collected peacocks’ tears
Yes
No
-
Q82. Took permission to stay out till 2 am, got back home at 9 pm
Yes
No
-
Q83. Sent yourself a Sarahahahaha crush confession, shared it on Facebook
Yes
No
-
Q84. Reminded yourself that even Salman Khan is still single
Yes
No
-
Q85. Poked someone. On Facebook.
Yes
No
-
Q86. Wore your “Shame on you, ladies. I’m still single” t-shirt in public
Yes
No
-
Q87. Handed out friendship bands because pyaar dosti hai
Yes
No
-
Q88. Booked the matinee show of DDLJ at Maratha Mandir
Yes
No
-
Q89. Grumbled about “kids these days”
Yes
No
-
Q90. Sang a duet in two different voices
Yes
No
-
Q91. Drank an LIIT with two straws
Yes
No
--
Q92. Photoshopped a ring on your finger/your crush into your profile picture
No
-
Yes
Q93. Watched TedTalks about the benefits of a polyamorous society
Yes
No
-
Q94. Had a threesome with your pillow and blanket
Yes
No
-
Q95. Turn up alone for a flash mob
Yes
No
-
Q96. Make plans with your single friends. Don’t show up.
Yes
No
-
Q97. Spent a bunch of time online taking quizzes
Yes
No
-
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